Lessons learned

 After anxiously waiting for the final A-Levels results, I was welcomed with a sense of relief after I received it. Not bad, but not so good either. Far better than my expectations but not perfect, as I could had done better for one of the subjects, but nevertheless, still being able to meet the requirements of the course that I had applied since all courses only take into account the best three subjects you sat for the exam. 

As I curiously opened the Facebook, I cannot resist but to scroll down at my news feed to look at the reactions of college friends whom had gotten their results. As a person whom are influenced by the culture that likes to compare and compete at academics, my heart sank when I eventually found out that most of my college friends had perfect results of 4A*s. I suddenly realized, that I am in quite a  bad position in competing for the course that I opted for in the UK universities. This worries me a lot. I really feel bad when I gaze upon their flawless, paid-off effort results. I felt down and refused to contact even the closest of my college friends that afternoon, fearing that I may feel even bad when their results turn out to be better than mine.

Then at night, things became clearer as the insomnia had forced me to reevaluate everything that I received in my life that day. I started to question myself, how much do I really deserve? Do I really worked enough? No. My ignorance towards the dreaded subject that I am poor with had taken the toll. The refusal to give any more commitment such as extra work and initiative to further understand the possible questions had resulted in a result of B instead of an A or A* as many of my comrades do despite the difficult questions. Well, what can I expect since I was initially planning to drop the subject? Lesson learned, if you have decided to do or learn something, you must always make sure that you put full efforts in it no matter how hard is it for you to accomplish it. If it is not the case, then why do you want to do it in the first time? No matter how brilliant you are, you are still a human and there is still the necessity to work hard yet smart consistently all the time. Only with a decent amount of labor reaps success.And this is true in most cases.

Instead of feeling regret and unhappy, I should try to be grateful. Yes, after so much rumbling and grunting, I had forgotten how to be grateful. There may still be many other people in this world whom couldn't manage to get better results like mine and I should be grateful for being able to have a result like this. Even not the cream of the crop, but still a cream that may serve as an icing of the cake or whatsoever. XD Thank god, without checking my UCAS account, I didn't even realized that I had received a conditional offer letter from one of the universities that I applied in UK! I am considered to be secured as I had at least one university approved by the scholarship that is willing to receive me as a student. For the other four universities that I applied, I still have hope since they haven't responded yet. So, why should I envy the results of my college friends whom are better than me as long as I can enter a university and study the course that I desire? 

Now I felt much better now. I started reminding myself to not look back to my remorse and guilt but to look forward, fixing my gaze on the seemingly distant yet close future that awaits me. Don't forget about your past, always look back to keep track of the mistakes that we make, but at the same time don't be affected by it. We are imperfect, and will always be. The important thing is to learn from where we fall and constantly remind ourselves not to repeat the same mistakes again. Only by that we can become better as we progress. This unsuccessful attempt won't beat me down, not in a million years! XP