An Awkward Moment in Conversation

It was a long time since I last saw him. He hasn't changed much since we parted. The same old look just that his hair was back to his natural black color and the same curiosity that reflected his dexterity leaking through his glassy eyes. 

Back in our A-levels when we were staying together in the same hostel, we were great buddies whom can talk about anything and everything. From nonsensical stuff to serious philosophies, we share each other's insights and humor to the myriad of topics that we discussed. Even since we graduated and parted our ways, we still briefly kept in touch by maintaining some contact through phone calls and random face book chats. Well, I had always wanted to meet him in person but failed to do so because I am living in the Western island, but he lives on the Eastern island. Separating us was the 1200km length South China Sea. He refuses to use skype due to personal reasons every time I try to invite him, until one day he was forced to do so.

It was his birthday. Our mutual friends planned a little surprise for him by organising a friendly group chat. I was very excited to see him in person, but later was rapidly pinned down by a dilemma that I would not have expected to see in this conversation-the sense of awkwardness. 

Why? I mean, why? I cannot possibly imagine this thing will happen to me, especially when it was in front of my buddy. Maybe its the fault of group chat, or is it because I am chatting in the reading room not far from my living room or is it me who are poor at conversation? Time surely feels slow when gaps and pauses filled the conversation. Each sentence and each question was so short that it feels like a SAQ rather than a good talk. I despised this feeling but can do nothing to stop it. I can't even speak something at him other than throwing lame jokes around the group. It feels so bad to indirectly neglect someone and turned the attention to others whom really supplied much conversation fuel than the one you actually are interested in. I feel apologetic although he may not have felt the same way. 

When the conversation stops, a sense of guilt follows. It's so horrible and I can barely forgive myself for unable to be flexible at that very moment. What's worse is that he is now studying abroad at another country. This means that our chance of keeping in touch is smaller than ever. Later then, when everyone started their busy university life, it becomes even harder to do so. Aside from blaming every single possible factor, I realize that I should also polish my own communication skills, as I can sense the flaw within it. I must find a way to combat this awkwardness and not let this happen again. Well, he may not hear it, but obviously: Sorry for spoiling the chance to connect.

The stars are not to be forgiven...

                                              

                                                    

WARNING: CONTAINS SPOILERS AND IMPORTANT INFORMATION FROM THE MOVIE. PROCEED AT YOUR OWN RISK.

After watching “Fault in Our Stars” in the cinema with my bunch of buddies, I was very touched and inspired by the 2 hours-long romance movie. It was the first romance movie that I had watched in the cinema and I don’t expect it to give me a spark in my thoughts and views of life.

A brief synopsis

“Fault in Our Stars” portrays the heart-warming love story of Hazel and Augustus, two teens struggling at cancer that have their fates entwined ever since they met each other. Hazel was suffering from a severe thyroid cancer that had spread into her lungs. Augustus had Osteosarcoma, a type of bone cancer, causing his left leg to be amputated during treatment but has fully recovered for a year. It was really hilarious at first as we see how they awkwardly try to introduce themselves and slowly learn about each other. In the end, they fell in love with each other.

Their relationship started up simple but eventually progressed deeper as things turn rough. Initially, when Hazel’s condition started to worsen, their relationship was tested for the first time. Hazel planned to break up with him because she did not want to hurt him before they got more intimate. Despite breaking up, Augustus continues to give her encouragement and support all over the time. He planned a memorable trip with Hazel to Amsterdam to meet up with the author of her favorite book “Imperial Affliction” whom they eventually found out that he is a jerk. During the trip, he brought her to many places to visit including the Anne Frank’s House and arranged a luxurious dinner as their first official date. It all seemed too well for Hazel until the grim reality struck her. The next day, Augustus sadly confessed that his condition had worsened when Hazel was admitted to the ICU and he really didn’t have much time left. 

 

The Lessons Learned

It was so touching to see that Augustus had done everything in order to make her love one, Hazel happy. His confident, jovial yet caring personality had many times granted comfort and reassurance to Hazel. In order not to let Hazel worried and to keep her happy, he had managed to conceal the truth of his health state until the very end of the trip. Even in the face of death during his last days, he still tried to hide away his bad feelings whenever he met her, though Hazel had sensed his fear and misery in him for the first time ever since they met. Knowing that he will not be writing a proper eulogy for her at the time of her death in the future, Augustus even contacted the author and drafted his speech of love into a letter that Hazel later received from the author after Augustus’ funeral. 

Augustus’ love and sacrifices for his love one until the end of his life had melted my heart as I cannot imagine that a guy can actually do so much for a person whom he loves. Selfless love and sacrifice are the greatest acts that makes love the most remarkable thing in the world. I had really never been in an affair before but I guess that many guys including me will surely do the same for their love ones if they were in the same position. It’s great to see that his unconditional love was not unpaid as in his last day as it was Hazel in turn who became his source of support and encouragement. She reminded him of how special he was and how much she loved him. 

The time they both had together was shorter than any other normal healthy couples. However, this didn’t prevent them from loving each other wholeheartedly and truthfully. They were grateful for the amount of time they had as time was certainly a luxury for them. Therefore, lovers should always be grateful of the presence of each other in their lives and cherish every moment they had spent together. We could never predict the future of our lives. Who know what would happen in the next second. Death is always inevitable and sometimes quite abrupt but most importantly, we can learn to appreciate and enjoy the present so that we will not carry on the burden of guilt and remorse throughout our lives.