It was a long time since I last saw him. He hasn't changed much since we parted. The same old look just that his hair was back to his natural black color and the same curiosity that reflected his dexterity leaking through his glassy eyes.
Back in our A-levels when we were staying together in the same hostel, we were great buddies whom can talk about anything and everything. From nonsensical stuff to serious philosophies, we share each other's insights and humor to the myriad of topics that we discussed. Even since we graduated and parted our ways, we still briefly kept in touch by maintaining some contact through phone calls and random face book chats. Well, I had always wanted to meet him in person but failed to do so because I am living in the Western island, but he lives on the Eastern island. Separating us was the 1200km length South China Sea. He refuses to use skype due to personal reasons every time I try to invite him, until one day he was forced to do so.
It was his birthday. Our mutual friends planned a little surprise for him by organising a friendly group chat. I was very excited to see him in person, but later was rapidly pinned down by a dilemma that I would not have expected to see in this conversation-the sense of awkwardness.
Why? I mean, why? I cannot possibly imagine this thing will happen to me, especially when it was in front of my buddy. Maybe its the fault of group chat, or is it because I am chatting in the reading room not far from my living room or is it me who are poor at conversation? Time surely feels slow when gaps and pauses filled the conversation. Each sentence and each question was so short that it feels like a SAQ rather than a good talk. I despised this feeling but can do nothing to stop it. I can't even speak something at him other than throwing lame jokes around the group. It feels so bad to indirectly neglect someone and turned the attention to others whom really supplied much conversation fuel than the one you actually are interested in. I feel apologetic although he may not have felt the same way.
When the conversation stops, a sense of guilt follows. It's so horrible and I can barely forgive myself for unable to be flexible at that very moment. What's worse is that he is now studying abroad at another country. This means that our chance of keeping in touch is smaller than ever. Later then, when everyone started their busy university life, it becomes even harder to do so. Aside from blaming every single possible factor, I realize that I should also polish my own communication skills, as I can sense the flaw within it. I must find a way to combat this awkwardness and not let this happen again. Well, he may not hear it, but obviously: Sorry for spoiling the chance to connect.
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